I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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