I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
