Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
