ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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