What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
