Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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