Your dad touched me again.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
