My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Who died my cat blue again?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch