at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked