dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so that wasnt chicken after all
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.