If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
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It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
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Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.