whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hippo gnu deer
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?