You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.