If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
