i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
