I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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