I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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