I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
