you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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