"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
