Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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