My brain says no but my pants say off.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
