I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
