My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
