yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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