I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
