you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
