perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
