good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
