How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
