dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
