she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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