well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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