remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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