how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
