i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form