don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.