I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Enjoy the penises
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
