Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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