My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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