can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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