btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
