Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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