So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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