I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
