He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Found your dick twin last night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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