So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize