So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
