Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize