hotel room ftw
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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