do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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