I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
