I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
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The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
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I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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