So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
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she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
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i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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