Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My balls are so social today.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
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dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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