I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
