I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He felt like a one man threesome
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My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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