I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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