I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
