I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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