Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize