I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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