Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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