Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It was confusing and full of hummus
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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