i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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