between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
