You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
