I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
