The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
