the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
