why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
