i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
