Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How does one acquire holy water?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
