i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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