i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
